looking-up-to-big-brother-1312367-639x636This is a very tough subject for me. I have two older brothers. I haven’t spoken to either of them for years. I haven’t had a non-contentious conversation with them for longer than that. It’s sad. I’m not sure much in life is sadder than children who grew up in the same household, who shared years and years of common experiences growing up to be total strangers. It feels awful to know that there is someone else in this world who has the same ancestry, those same memories and yet you can’t communicate. For one reason or another, you can’t talk to them to even reminisce about times gone by, good or bad. They don’t see the world, the past, the present or the future, the same way you do. There is no common ground. After all, when the people that populate your childhood and growing years are all gone, only your siblings remain as someone who knew anything about those ever-so-important people.

What is worse is living like this, knowing there is a sibling for you out there and you are in this situation, watching other people who have “normal” relationships with their siblings in their life. They walk, talk, share and sometimes nurture one another and it’s hard not to wonder why it couldn’t be that way for you. Jealousy is an ugly thing, but I can say I am jealous of people who get along with their siblings well enough to have them in their life, even if only to share a Christmas meal. It’s something I don’t have, and yet, I’ve chosen for it to be this way. Life is just easier without them. The contention that comes when we do attempt, let’s call it, connectivity, is more than I want to deal with in life. Sometimes you’re actually better off without someone in your life than you would be with them. It takes two to tango and I’m an unwilling partner in the dance now. I’ve been flung about trying to keep up with their machinations at dancing the dance too many times. I’m just not willing to get out on the floor anymore. The good memories still don’t outweigh the bad feelings. That may never happen.

This happens to people all the time and more often than not, it happens with siblings. When you think about it, maybe it’s a natural thing. Consider Cain and Able, fighting to see who got the better deal. Perhaps any siblings are just lucky if they don’t kill one another.